"For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made

in the secret place, when I was woven together

in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my

unformed body; all the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be."

Psalm 139: 13-16

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

The Walking Post

Need a little inspiration today?

She's walking. Just typing these words makes my heart just burst into a million pieces of overjoyed.

When I said in January that this would be the year we would see Meghan walk, I didn't expect to be writing a post about it so soon! Something about that 3rd birthday.....She is able to consistently take 10 steps on her own, and when she falls, she immediately finds a way to stand back up and keep going. This is one determined little lady, let me tell you!  Her walk is far from typical, and she has a lot of work to get stronger and improve her balance (she still topples over a lot), so a couple weeks ago we were able to purchase a walker for her. It helps her keep her balance, and improves her foot position and gait.She's pretty proud of herself:) She continues to make huge strides with her vocabulary and comprehension, and she just started preschool! Because she is on an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) she was able to begin a special needs preschool as soon as she turned 3. She has been getting acquainted with the teachers and therapists that will be working with her at school, and has really enjoyed it so far. We can see how much she will benefit from being in an environment with her peers. I am overwhelmed with gratitude when I look back on how far she has come in her three years. More importantly, I am overwhelmed by the knowledge that it doesn't matter. Regardless of what her abilities are or are not, the abilities or disabilities are not the focus. They are a just part of God plan for her life, and we get to sit back and enjoy watching His purposes being revealed one step at a time.

I know I've been a little quiet around here lately. It's been hard to write. I have been navigating through this phase of my treatment really well physically, but emotionally it's been a time of reflection and renewing. Long after the diagnosis and initial rally into treatment comes the time when you have to figure out what your life looks like after cancer. Nothing- and I mean NOTHING remains the same, and in some ways that's a really beautiful thing, and in others it's still painful. Events are marked in my mind as "before cancer" or "after cancer", as it is with any major life trauma, and somehow you have to adjust. Yesterday marked one year since my initial biopsy. It's really hard to believe I have been "in this" for a year. It gets harder and harder to head back into the cancer center every 3 weeks. It's difficult to continue moving forward when you feel stuck in the treatment phase. Only 3 more infusions to go though, and I am really looking forward to being finished. I am hopeful that when I have my mediport removed that it will finally feel like my body can move on. I can make that transition from a cancer patient, to someone who has a "history" of cancer. Almost. There. Blessedly however, the Lord has been revealing a little part of the purpose in the pain. I have been able to connect with other breast cancer patients and survivors and develop friendships that are so precious to me. I have also been able to offer encouragement and hope to those just starting their journey. If the Lord can use this experience for His glory, what more could I ask for? It is the deepest form of soul satisfaction that I can think of. There is infinite hope, overwhelming grace, and radical love, wrapped up in our Savior who pours it back out on each of us. He is the reason I can be reaching the end of this marathon of sadness, and be on my knees grateful for the experience. Almost there.

"Therefore we do not lose heart
Though outwardly we are wasting away,
 yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." 
 2Corinthians 4:16