"For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made

in the secret place, when I was woven together

in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my

unformed body; all the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be."

Psalm 139: 13-16

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Growing Pains

I can hardly believe January is nearly over, and so is this pregnancy! Meghan’s birthday was re-scheduled for March 1st at 39 weeks. I am glad for a little extra time, and also for the extra week to let her grow and become stronger knowing what she will face when she is born. In the meantime, we continue to watch her growth on the Ultrasounds every week (she is now somewhere around 4.5 lbs), which instead of just focusing on her ventricles has now shifted to watching her movement and practice breathing. Her ventricles continue to enlarge, but thankfully its been slow growth. Daily, I watch in amazement at how a human body can accommodate such a miracle, especially when one of her knees, elbows or feet really start stretchingJ

At the beginning of a nine month journey, it feels like forever until the end will be near- but as with any journey, time inevitably passes and suddenly you find yourself ever so close to the goal. Whether it’s something you’ve been looking forward to or dreading, eventually it comes to pass.  I suppose that what makes the period in between worthwhile is what you do with the time you are given. I am really glad I have had the time over the last few months to process everything, and to try and prepare. I have learned a lot about how I handle difficult situations, and how I process things. Looking back I needed to break down the situation into manageable parts, and deal with each one separately- fully feel, evaluate and give whatever piece it was its place in my mind. Eventually, I came to a point where I feel like I’m ready to move forward- ready to face whatever challenges lie ahead- and ready to be Meghan’s Mommy. I know that I am able to face a trial, and allow the strength of my Savior to carry me through. Difficult things hurt, they are not easy, and we all face them in life in some form or fashion. So many people look for a way to escape whatever painful reality they face, but I truly believe that running is not the answer. It is facing the heartache, viewing it through the eyes of Truth, and realizing that you are not alone on your journey that allows people to grow and change and become better for what they have been through. Somehow, on the other side there is peace, strength you never knew you had, and hope. Hope that is born out of knowing that you can face the trials that lie ahead- and come through them a better person than you were before.

I still feel anxious about facing the future sometimes, but I take great comfort in knowing that the Lords promises to not depend on how I feel at any given moment, ever. (being a hormonal pregnant woman that is a very good thing!). His promises of strength, unfailing love, compassion, and faithfulness will not change because I have a bad day, or let fear and doubt take me down for a minute. I am certain that there will be more challenges ahead, and it’s ok.  I’ll get through those too.

            Continued thanks to my family and friends for being so awesomely supportive and sweet. It makes so many things easier…I hope that this blog can give back an ounce of the encouragement and love I’ve received.

            “We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint” Romans 5:3-4

1 comment:

  1. When God decided to send Meghan down, he looked for the perfect family for her and found you. You amaze me with your faith, intelligence, and grace. I know we haven't seen each other lately, but please know that i am here if needed. Thanks for sharing this part of your life with us. Hope is always there.