Knit Me Together: Celebrating

Meghan’s First Birthday. Oh my. I can hardly believe that I am sitting down to write this post. I am not sure if I will be quite so sentimental about all the other birthday’s, but this one is big. A baby’s first birthday is certainly cause for celebrating, and with Meghan Grace, we have lots of things to celebrate.

Meghan’s birth was shrouded in uncertainty, and her first few days of life were filled with a discomforting welcome into the world- standing in stark contrast to the quiet, calm blissful hours of newness that most babies are swaddled in. Beeping monitors, hours of time we weren’t allowed to be by her side, brain surgery, so many tests, a few answers and many more questions were the hallmarks of those first days. We had no idea what would be in store for us this first year, and the way in which we would be changed, stretched, and formed into the family we are today. There has been constant worry, sometimes to the point I thought my heart would break. But…I can say with overwhelming certainty that it has all been a gift. Through this first year we have experienced some of the purest joy we have ever known. We have loved harder, cried harder, and been more aware of how blessed we are than we can ever explain. Our faith has increased beyond measure, and that is priceless. We have seen miracles, and measures of God’s faithfulness have been abundant. We have never walked alone, as he has brought people into our lives that have each been there exactly when we needed them. He has strengthened the good, and taught us to let go of what’s unimportant. Best of all, we have watched Meghan grow. Her hands have gone from tight little fists, to ones that are able to relax, clap, and hold up for declarations of “so big!”. She has finally, finally doubled her birth weight, and her thin little legs have started to acquire a layer of kissable baby fat. She has worked so hard, and can sit up against my chest. She can bang a drum, eat her toes, and roll completely over when she’s really trying, despite the fact that she cannot lift her head off the floor. She loves, loves, loves her big sister and studies her every move. But my absolute favorite thing is her smile. She smiles with her whole face. You simply cannot look at her sweet smile and not have every trace of anything other than joy washed out of you. She has endured more than 120 appointments for specialists, therapy, and various tests, and she smiles through everything. She has learned a lot, and so have we.

I have in the past repeated a phrase that I have heard repeated back to me so many times this year…”God never gives you more than you can handle”…. It sounds like good, supportive advice, however as Meghan’s mom, I now feel that the statement is completely and utterly wrong. It implies that we can handle whatever “it” is on our own. I have learned that sometimes He allows us into situations in which we are in so far over our heads that the only way we can possibly walk through them, and be blessed by them, is by clinging to His hand. I am so far from strong, so far from able to handle this on my own. It’s situations like these that allow us to see who God is, and what He can do through you, if you let Him. Because of Meghan, my faith has been refined, and I’ve been given a place to stand to give the glory back to Him. That has changed my life more than I can explain.

We still don’t know where we will be in a few months, let alone a few years. Meghan makes predicting the future impossible, and forces us to live for today, and that in itself is a precious gift. So Today was a very good day. Today, was a day of celebrating life, Meghan’s first birthday, and 365 days of being her family.

Happy, happy birthday my sweet love.